Stephanie’s Birth Story
Stephanie and Emily discuss Stephanie’s Birth Experience!
My due date was 9/19 but I was convinced I'd be pregnant for more than 40 weeks, since everyone says your first is late. However, around 34 weeks I started to feel like the baby might actually come early. I had been feeling a lot of pressure and knew the baby had been head down for a long time.
Around 4am on 8/27 I woke up with what I thought was an upset stomach. I kept going to the bathroom and then trying to fall asleep. Around 7am I started to think it might actually be my body clearing house for labor because I was feeling more of what I assumed were contractions. I didn't have any false labor or Braxton Hicks leading up to this so I wasn't sure what to expect.
By 9am contractions really kicked up a notch. My husband asked if I thought the baby would come that day and I told him "probably not today but maybe tomorrow". Everything we learned said the average labor time was 24 hours from the first contraction to delivery. I thought it would come on slow and steady and I'd have long periods of rest in between contractions. I expected I’d work (I work from home), clean the house, stay active, maybe go for a walk and start preparing/packing in case we needed to go. My husband and I had talked about working on a few pages in our baby book (like what our hopes and dreams were for the baby) in those down moments as I labored but it quickly became evident that was not the kind of labor I was going to have.
Around 9:30am I knew this was active labor and told my husband to start timing the contractions. They were already consistently 5 minutes apart so things were moving much more quickly than I'd expected and they were very intense. I told my manager I was done for the day and got into the tub. Our goal was to labor at home for as long as possible so I put on the HypnoBirthing playlist and labored in the tub for almost two hours. Focusing on the playlist and deep breathing helped center me. I threw up a few times in this period and was getting concerned because I thought I'd have 24 more hours of non-stop, intense labor. I thought "if this is just the beginning this is going to be super rough".
My goal was to have an unmedicated birth mostly because I knew I could. I've done a lot of endurance sports and did as much mental and physical prep as I could. If contractions had gotten much more painful than those initial two hours I don't know if I could have done it. It felt like the contractions were right on top of each other and I could hardly move around to put clothes on, let alone work on the baby book - that had been a pipe dream haha. I was doing a lot of "ooooooooo"ing in pain. Fortunately, I don't think that they got any more painful or intense than they were at the start until the very end when I was ready to push. It didn't come on slow and steady or start easier and then build up like I'd expected, it was just an on switch that flipped and contractions were on and they meant business.
Stephanie and Her Beautiful Family in that Post Birth Glow!
By 11am contractions were down to 3 minutes apart so my husband called the doula and started packing the car. I had still been pooping this whole time and had also started bleeding. During a contraction I would bend over the bed and my husband would push on my lower back and that was a huge help! Contractions were so intense I had no desire to get in the car and it took a lot of coaxing by my husband to get me in.
He finally succeeded and around noon we headed to the hospital. I sat in the back seat of the car (our dog was riding shotgun on the way to my mother-in-law's house first) and I really found a zen state in the car. I'd heard it was hard to ride in the car because positions were limited and being jostled around was hard but I entered another realm in the backseat and was so calm and collected compared to laboring at the house. Afterwards my husband said he considered just driving around for a while instead of going straight to the hospital because it was a nice intermission for him as well. I don't think I opened my eyes the whole time. I didn't want to know how far we were or how bad traffic was or anything. I just channeled a mental calm and figured if I couldn't see how much longer we had I'd be better off and I kept my eyes closed and did deep breathing the whole way.
I'd had some bleeding a few weeks earlier and was told to go into L&D to get checked out so we kind of knew the drill and what to expect. We had had a good experience at Rose during that triage period. During that time I'd told my husband it was probably good to just park the car in the garage when I went into labor so I could keep labor moving by walking from the garage over to the L&D unit. But on this day as we approached I said "valet valet valet!" and we pulled right up to the front.
When we got up to the delivery floor our experience was less than stellar and we were pretty disappointed with the triage team. I thought they'd bring out a wheelchair for me like they'd done previously but instead we were met by a nurse who didn't believe I was in labor and made me walk that looooong hallway back to a room. I told her I had been bleeding and having contractions all morning and she said “well you’re too early to be in labor so we’ll see”. Internally I thought “my hate for you is as active as my labor right now”.
From the nurse’s perspective I'm sure she saw on my chart that I'd been there previously and was discharged and that I was only 36 weeks so I was probably not really in labor. I'm sure it can be hard in triage when women come in all the time claiming they're in labor when they aren't but it really set a bad tone. They wanted me to give a urine sample and I couldn't get a clean one because by this point there was a lot of blood. The nurse seemed frustrated by that and told me to get on the table and she'd check me.
It was very validating when she did and said “oh she’s visibly dilated and baby has a lot of hair!” That very intense labor all morning hadn't been for nothing because I was already at 5cm dilated in just 6 hours. They took me back to a room and our doula arrived right as we were officially admitted. I sat on a birthing ball with my head on the bed for about an hour. The doula asked when the last time I'd eaten was (dinner the night before) and suggested I get something in me to help fuel me through. Having a doula was worth all the money in the world for just this suggestion alone because I physically felt strength reenter my body as I took that first sip of milkshake. Sugar, calories, a cold drink. It was the best fuel!
I was having exclusively back labor but when my husband or my doula pushed on my back it relieved almost all of the pain. Breathing as the contractions came on took the edge off so it felt really manageable by this stage. I heard back labor was the worst but I preferred it because counter-pressure felt like a cheat code. If I'd had contractions in the front I don't think I would have been able to counter-pressure those away as easily. I labored in a few different positions and tried the TENS machine, which I didn't love because it felt like it just migrated my contractions from my back to my front which were harder to deal with so I didn't use it for long. I straddled the toilet facing backward and labored there for a while before getting in the tub. The doula turned down the lights and brought little tea candles and my husband poured water over me and did deep breathing and this felt like a very calm and relaxed period of labor. When I think back on labor I remember this as a big chunk. The nurses basically left us alone and it was just the three of us in the room for a few hours.
It's true when they say that during labor you don't have a good gauge of time passing and enter a sort of suspended state because I didn't have any real concept of time (or anything for that matter) between when I was admitted and when I started pushing. I felt my water break when I was in the tub and started to feel a lot of downward pressure like pushing. I don't feel like I had any control over if/when/how I pushed my body just started doing it after my water broke. I told my doula and she had the nurse come check me. I had to get out of the tub for this which was not my favorite. I was 8cm and so they told me I couldn't push yet. The hard part was my body was just doing it and there was nothing I could do to stop it.
Soaking Up the Rest and Calm of the Labor Tub
I kept my eyes closed for the majority of labor and didn't talk to anyone or do much the whole time besides focus on breathing. When I pictured labor I thought I'd be walking around to avoid labor slowing or standing up and swaying but the reality of it was that I laid in the tub completely unmoving for the majority. When I got out of the tub I could tell from the window that the sun was going down and I didn't like the idea of knowing how much time had/hadn't passed so I asked that they close the blinds so I could stay in my cocoon of focus. I also asked that they turn the baby's heart rate monitor down. It was very loud and I was thriving in silence. I had planned a birthing playlist and brought headphones thinking I'd like to listen to music during labor but that was not that case. The only real indication I had of progress was the nurse periodically coming in to move the baby's monitor further down as the baby moved down. It was nice to know the baby was headed in the right direction but I'd absolutely opt for intermittent monitoring instead of continuous for the next one because the bands were so annoying.
When the nurse came back in to check me I was really ready to push but she said there was a small lip of my cervix that hadn't receded and was kind of swollen, likely from being pinned by all the pressure of the baby's head pushing down, and that I really couldn't push because I'd hurt myself if I wasn't fully dilated. That freaked me out and was the first time during labor that I was really concerned because I HAD to push and I didn't want to do physical harm to myself by doing what came naturally. They said I could get back in the tub to labor more. This made me both worried and frustrated because I know at Rose they don't let you deliver in the tub but I felt like I was very close to giving birth. I knew they didn't believe me if they were letting me get back in the tub. My doula was also on the fence about starting the water again but the nurse said my doctor was doing a c-section and not available so I think that was the real reason they were trying to stall. My doula said "the baby's head is doing the work" which was comforting and helpful.
I didn't end up getting back in the tub but labored on my side in the bed with the peanut ball which was not as good as the tub and the urge to push was very intense. I felt lots of fluids gushing during this like when you have a heavy period. Contractions towards the end felt like a gut punch or severe diarrhea, you just had to go with it and let it happen and it was fine. It felt very sharp for like 10 seconds but was breathable at the beginning and end.
Eventually the nurse said I was clear to push, I said "are you sure??" because I was still worried about the small lip of cervix. She said "yes, I've checked you twice and you're at a 10". I have no recollection of being checked twice after the tub conversation but apparently that happened and was a huge relief. I started on my back and in addition to being very intense that position didn't help with progress so then I tried squatting on the bar but eventually settled on squatting while facing backward in the bed. Sometimes the nurse would count for me to push but I didn't find that helpful because I just followed the contractions and what my body was doing naturally instead. The long 10 count was often too long or too short for the contraction.
Stephanie Catching Her Baby in a Squat
I was really worried about feeling a tear during labor and the nurse offered nitrous during that last stage, which I accepted. The nitrous did nothing for the pain but I liked having the oxygen mask to hold and channel my yelling into (even though I did throw up into it lol) and it reminded me to take deep breaths so that really helped! Everyone says it feels like a big poop, which I guess is kind of accurate but it is very clearly coming out of your vagina so I don't think it felt like a poop. I did feel contractions radiating down my thighs during this part which was new and uncomfortable.
Moments after birth
I reached down and the head was right there which honestly surprised me because I'd spent hours feeling him really low but to have his head basically out was crazy. I said the baby was coming but no one believed me because I “wasn’t screaming loud enough” according to the nurse, so the doctor arrived about 15 seconds before the baby and none of the nurses had gloves on so I caught him myself. The real concentrated pushing phase of labor was just under an hour.
Stephanie Catching Her Baby
It is accurate that as soon as the baby is born all the pain disappears and you're just living in a bubble of joy and excitement. We didn't know what we were having but as I held him his legs flopped open and I said "It's a boy!". It was such a fun way to experience it. I hadn't planned on catching him myself but would like to do that again in the future if possible.
It was only 13 hours from the first contraction to him being born but it felt even faster than that. Certainly not the 24 I had prepared for and I feel fortunate that even though it came on fast and strong it didn't last long.
The cord was really short so it was hard to hold the baby before the cord was cut because I had to hold him so low. Delayed cord clamping was on our birth plan and the doctor let me look at the cord and make the call for when to clamp and cut, which was appreciated.
Stephanie with her son!
The golden hour after birth was so wonderful and relaxing, minus the stitches and the post labor fundal massage which hurt a lot but only happened a few times. Stitches where the worse part of going unmedicated. The doctor said “this will feel like glass” and that was a very appropriate description. I had a second degree tear but did not feel the tear during delivery which was a big concern of mine. If anything I felt it more towards the front, which is not where I tore thankfully.
Mantras I liked and often repeated in prep for labor and said continually during labor that helped me through:
“Any women could do this”. I met a second time mom in my Rose mom’s group who had her first unmedicated and told me during her first labor she thought it was really manageable and that any women could do it. That really rang true for me during labor as well so I kept repeating it.
This is for my body to do, not my mind.
I'm ok / I'm calm / I'm relaxed
I'm making progress.
I'm connecting with the 300,000 women giving birth with me today.
This is just one day.
Things I'd suggest:
Get a doula and listen to her even if you don’t feel like it. Sometimes I'd just be sitting in whatever I doing and not really wanting to move or mess with what was going ok but I'd take her suggestion for a new position and it was almost always the right call. I also appreciated her suggesting and bringing food and drinks. It would have been way harder to do if I had zero fuel for 24 hours. Lastly, the photos she took are some of my most prized possessions. We didn't have a birth photographer but our doula took dozens of beautiful photos that I would have paid double for!
Get help postpartum. We spend a lot of time preparing for labor and delivery but postpartum was really where we could have used an extra set of hands and emotional help. If I could change anything it would be hiring a postpartum doula as well.
After delivery, our time at the hospital wasn't great. So we will ideally have the next one at a birth center instead of a hospital.
Learn more about Stephanie’s Birth Doula - Rebecca Peterson - Denver Area